Well, I have been taking my medication for two days.... and I am not quite sure if I like it. I have felt a bit fuzzy since last night, and I have noticed that I am much more tired. I have noticed a change in my anxiety level, but mostly because I am too tired to be anxious. I also noticed that the packaging included the warning "may cause dizziness and drowsiness. Do not operate machinery." Hmmmm. I am going to give it a try for a week and the see where I am at.
I have been processing the fact that I am going to be meeting with a bariatric surgeon soon. I have been weighing out the pros and cons of Gastric Bypass surgery... and I must admit that now that it's a very real possibility, I am finding myself to be a bit nervous and maybe even unsure about the entire thing. Here are a few pros and cons I have come up with (at least the important ones.)
Pros:
Losing 70-80% of excess body weight in 12 months.I am tired of being fat. I have ALWAYS felt like I was larger than most people. I have been called names and ridiculed since I was young. I am ready to lose the weight and finally feel good about myself. Plus, I am carrying around 130+ extra pounds of weight!! I am ready to let that weight go.
Lower Blood Pressure (and other health benefits)
When you are as large as I am the heart has to pump harder to keep up. My blood pressure has been giving me fits for the last few years. Hell, even 8 years ago when I had Trey Bear I was struggling with my blood pressure. I am too young to have to worry about that. Losing weight would also address several other health issues I would face if I dont lose weight, including heart disease, cancer, stroke, sleep apnea, etc. I am ready to be healthy.
Alleviation of lower extremity muscle and joint pain.
My feet, ankles, knees, legs, and back hurt constantly. When I walk for too long or when I am on my feet for too long it becomes painful. When you are carrying around as much weight as I am, it's no wonder.
The ability to keep up with and play with my children.
I am going to be 30 years old in 2 years. I have three amazing kids who are full of life and ready to play! When we go to the park I get winded chasing after them. I find myself sitting on the bench just to catch my breath. I can't play soccer with Trey or run around the bases when we play baseball. I dont want to be the mother that dies young because she didnt take care of herself.
Improved physical relationship with my husband.
I have spent the majority of my marriage pregnant... and/or overweight. Needless to say, I have self-image and self-esteem issues that have created a lot of tension in regards to my physical relationship with my husband. I am ready to be proud of how I look and comfortable in my own skin. I deserve it. I am ready to let go of my self doubt.
Cons:
Excess skin.
I think the thing I am the most afraid of is losing a bunch of weight and being left with tons of extra skin. Insurance does not cover cosmetic surgery, and I know that we dont have the money to pay for it out of pocket. I dont want to put one issue behind me only to take on an entirely new set of issues.
I am already self- conscious as it is. I wont even take my shirt off in front of my husband. I had two children very close together and it did crazy things to my body. I am already very hefty and I you can tell my skin has stretched over the years due to the weight gain and weight loss roller coaster I have been on since I was in high school. The idea of having POUNDS of loose skin hanging off of me scares me to death. Knowing I dont have the funds to have the skin removed and that I'd be trapped in my own skin (literally) scares me even more!!
I have done quite a bit of research, and from what I understand not everyone that has Gastric Bypass surgery ends up having loose/excess skin. There really is no way of telling how it would end up for me. When you lose weight very quickly it's hard for your skin to keep up. If you lose weight slowly and steadily, the skin has a better chance of adjusting. Even with Bypass surgery, people lose weight at different paces. It's hard to tell how quickly or how slowly I will lose weight. *shaking my head!*
Health Risks
Vomiting: After surgery, when you eat more than the stomach pouch can hold or if you dont chew up your food into mush... it comes right back up. Who wants to worry about vomiting every time they eat?
Dumping Syndrome: If the pyloric valve - which regulates how fast food exits the stomach - is bypassed, food may leave the stomach and enter the digestive tract too quickly, which leads to a release of adrenalin which typically causes nausea, palpitations, sweating and diarrhea.
Lack of Vitamins and Minerals: Mal absorptive bypass operations carry greater risk for nutritional deficiency. Patients must therefore take a variety of nutritional supplements.
Not only do I have to worry about THOSE things, I am at risk of bleeding, infections, gastritis, the formation of gallstones, as well as weight regain in the period 3-5 years afterwards. It seems like an awful lot to worry about. -sigh-
I have a long road ahead and many big decisions to make. I am sure that when I meet with the surgeon he will be able to answer and questions I have. I am sure that he will walk me through the pros and cons and make sure this is the right choice for me. I am almost positive that I want to have the surgery... and the more I think about it the more the positives (benefits) outweigh the negatives (risks.) I will continue to process it all and see what I come up with.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Monday, June 13, 2011
[Whew]
We made it to the Doctor today, and luckily Frank was able to come with me to help wrangle the kids. Had he not been there, my head would have exploded. Literally.
One of the things the Doctor said (after spending 5 minutes in a room with the 5 of us) is that it's no wonder I am struggling with losing weight, struggling with anxiety and depression, and struggling to hold it all together. It took that one sentence to feel the weight of the world lifted from my soldiers. I could have broken down then and there, but we had issues to discuss.
The girls are FINALLY over their allergies for the most part. Emery is going to start taking some allergy medication before bedtime to help with her runny nose. They both have very severe diaper rashes... but my mother claims that I always had bad diaper rash when I was young too. The Doc said that it can be genetic. We got a RX for them and hopefully it helps. All in all the girls are in good health :)
In regards to ME (yeah, ME)... I am just going to come out and say it. I have a consultation with a Bariatric Surgeon sometime in the next week or two. I am expecting a call in the next few days. After speaking with the Doctor, we both feel that looking into Gastric Bypass might be the way to go for me.
We discussed my diet and exercise, and the Doctor was rather impressed with my knowledge about food and fat-burning specific exercise. In fact, he told me that what I mentioned to him I have been trying for the last few months would be EXACTLY what he was going to suggest I try.
There was another treatment he suggested where I would be given a hormone injection every day for a month. It would be the same hormone that women produce when they are pregnant. Along with that hormone I would eat a 500 calorie specific diet, thus speeding up my metabolism. He said that in most cases it was successful, but there are a few cases in which it does not work. This method would NOT be covered by our insurance however (and honestly, the idea of injections freaks me out. I have NEVER been good with needles.)
Our insurance WILL cover GBS since my BMI is over 39. There is a slim chance they could require that I be under the care and observation of a Physician for 3 months to qualify for full insurance benefits. The Doctor and I discussed that today as well... and today marks day 1 of that 3 months (if required by my insurance.) I will find all of this information out when I meet with the Bariatric surgeon.
The Doctor also gave me a RX of Cymbalta to help with my anxiety/depression/ and trouble sleeping. He says that it's very obvious that I am struggling with some pretty intense emotional issues and he believes that taking a bit of medication might level me out a little bit. At this point, I am ready to try anything (as long as it doesn't turn me into a zombie.)
So, it seems that in the next few weeks I am going to be experiencing some pretty big changes. If the insurance does NOT require that I wait 3 months, I could be scheduled for surgery before the end of the summer. If they do require 3 months, I would have the surgery before the end of the year. It is overwhelming to think of what that would mean for me. I am ready for whatever is ahead of me. Good things :)
One of the things the Doctor said (after spending 5 minutes in a room with the 5 of us) is that it's no wonder I am struggling with losing weight, struggling with anxiety and depression, and struggling to hold it all together. It took that one sentence to feel the weight of the world lifted from my soldiers. I could have broken down then and there, but we had issues to discuss.
The girls are FINALLY over their allergies for the most part. Emery is going to start taking some allergy medication before bedtime to help with her runny nose. They both have very severe diaper rashes... but my mother claims that I always had bad diaper rash when I was young too. The Doc said that it can be genetic. We got a RX for them and hopefully it helps. All in all the girls are in good health :)
In regards to ME (yeah, ME)... I am just going to come out and say it. I have a consultation with a Bariatric Surgeon sometime in the next week or two. I am expecting a call in the next few days. After speaking with the Doctor, we both feel that looking into Gastric Bypass might be the way to go for me.
We discussed my diet and exercise, and the Doctor was rather impressed with my knowledge about food and fat-burning specific exercise. In fact, he told me that what I mentioned to him I have been trying for the last few months would be EXACTLY what he was going to suggest I try.
There was another treatment he suggested where I would be given a hormone injection every day for a month. It would be the same hormone that women produce when they are pregnant. Along with that hormone I would eat a 500 calorie specific diet, thus speeding up my metabolism. He said that in most cases it was successful, but there are a few cases in which it does not work. This method would NOT be covered by our insurance however (and honestly, the idea of injections freaks me out. I have NEVER been good with needles.)
Our insurance WILL cover GBS since my BMI is over 39. There is a slim chance they could require that I be under the care and observation of a Physician for 3 months to qualify for full insurance benefits. The Doctor and I discussed that today as well... and today marks day 1 of that 3 months (if required by my insurance.) I will find all of this information out when I meet with the Bariatric surgeon.
The Doctor also gave me a RX of Cymbalta to help with my anxiety/depression/ and trouble sleeping. He says that it's very obvious that I am struggling with some pretty intense emotional issues and he believes that taking a bit of medication might level me out a little bit. At this point, I am ready to try anything (as long as it doesn't turn me into a zombie.)
So, it seems that in the next few weeks I am going to be experiencing some pretty big changes. If the insurance does NOT require that I wait 3 months, I could be scheduled for surgery before the end of the summer. If they do require 3 months, I would have the surgery before the end of the year. It is overwhelming to think of what that would mean for me. I am ready for whatever is ahead of me. Good things :)
[anxious]
Today I have an appointment with a Physician. I made the appointment specifically to address my difficulty in losing weight and to get the ball rolling in regards to being under a Physician supervised diet and exercise program.
Per request, the office mailed me all of the paperwork to fill out at home so I wouldn't have to fill it out while chasing the kids in the office. In filling out the paperwork I was made aware that, not only has it been years since I had a full workup with a physician, but I have been dealing with some serious issues that really add up when you see them all on paper.
Not only have I had joint pain (pain in general) in my knees and ankles, but I have had bouts of dizziness, frequent headaches, numbness/tingling in my fingers, blurred vision, and a few other things that I didnt think much of, until I was able to see them visually represented on a medical history form.
Also, this particular group of paperwork I received had a section regarding psychological issues. Its one of those charts that ask you to mark "on a scale from 1-10, how severe does this issue impact your life." Some of the issues listed were...
* Waking up multiple times at night
* Restlessness
* Indecisiveness
* Anxiousness
* Difficulty falling asleep
* Headaches
* Pessimism
* Nervousness
... just to name a few. As I am filling out the paperwork I start to realize that I have experienced / am experiencing EVERY ONE OF THE ISSUES LISTED. I am intelligent enough to realize (generally speaking) that CLINICALLY it would appear that I am struggling with depression or a number of other psychological issues.
I have a fear that they are going to perform a physical evaluation and a psychological evaluation and tell me that not only am I am in AWFUL shape physically, but mentally as well. I am not afraid in the sense that it's going to be a shock or it's going to shake the very foundation my entire world is built upon, but scared in the sense that I am going to have to face my demons and do something proactive to help myself.
I have noticed for the last year or two that something inside of me has changed. I dont know if it's because I had two children so close together and I dont make it out into the world very much, or if it's something that has always been there but buried beneath the surface. I sometimes become anxious in social situations or avoid them all together. Not situations where I am with people I already know and are comfortable with, but the opposite. In a sense, I have become immensely anti-confrontational. I didn't use to be this way. In fact, I was the exact opposite. I thrived on confrontation (not just the negative kind, either. Lol.) This is just ONE thing that I have noticed is wrong.
I know my self-image is very poor and my self-esteem is almost non-existent on some days. I struggle with feelings of worthlessness and failure, and I know I dont get enough sleep. I feel restless and bored, but overwhelmed and stretched too thin. I have convinced myself the last few months that it's just due to stress and that it's normal, but do I really believe that?
I work so hard every day to hold everything together and to do the best job I can at taking care of everyone. I feel that a lot of the symptoms I am experiencing are just due to stress and having children, but I am both nervous and excited to be able to speak with a Doctor about some of the things I have been experiencing lately. (Hell, I have already figured out *in filling out my forms* that I struggle with excitement and nervousness, so I shouldn't be surprised.)
Per request, the office mailed me all of the paperwork to fill out at home so I wouldn't have to fill it out while chasing the kids in the office. In filling out the paperwork I was made aware that, not only has it been years since I had a full workup with a physician, but I have been dealing with some serious issues that really add up when you see them all on paper.
Not only have I had joint pain (pain in general) in my knees and ankles, but I have had bouts of dizziness, frequent headaches, numbness/tingling in my fingers, blurred vision, and a few other things that I didnt think much of, until I was able to see them visually represented on a medical history form.
Also, this particular group of paperwork I received had a section regarding psychological issues. Its one of those charts that ask you to mark "on a scale from 1-10, how severe does this issue impact your life." Some of the issues listed were...
* Waking up multiple times at night
* Restlessness
* Indecisiveness
* Anxiousness
* Difficulty falling asleep
* Headaches
* Pessimism
* Nervousness
... just to name a few. As I am filling out the paperwork I start to realize that I have experienced / am experiencing EVERY ONE OF THE ISSUES LISTED. I am intelligent enough to realize (generally speaking) that CLINICALLY it would appear that I am struggling with depression or a number of other psychological issues.
I have a fear that they are going to perform a physical evaluation and a psychological evaluation and tell me that not only am I am in AWFUL shape physically, but mentally as well. I am not afraid in the sense that it's going to be a shock or it's going to shake the very foundation my entire world is built upon, but scared in the sense that I am going to have to face my demons and do something proactive to help myself.
I have noticed for the last year or two that something inside of me has changed. I dont know if it's because I had two children so close together and I dont make it out into the world very much, or if it's something that has always been there but buried beneath the surface. I sometimes become anxious in social situations or avoid them all together. Not situations where I am with people I already know and are comfortable with, but the opposite. In a sense, I have become immensely anti-confrontational. I didn't use to be this way. In fact, I was the exact opposite. I thrived on confrontation (not just the negative kind, either. Lol.) This is just ONE thing that I have noticed is wrong.
I know my self-image is very poor and my self-esteem is almost non-existent on some days. I struggle with feelings of worthlessness and failure, and I know I dont get enough sleep. I feel restless and bored, but overwhelmed and stretched too thin. I have convinced myself the last few months that it's just due to stress and that it's normal, but do I really believe that?
I work so hard every day to hold everything together and to do the best job I can at taking care of everyone. I feel that a lot of the symptoms I am experiencing are just due to stress and having children, but I am both nervous and excited to be able to speak with a Doctor about some of the things I have been experiencing lately. (Hell, I have already figured out *in filling out my forms* that I struggle with excitement and nervousness, so I shouldn't be surprised.)
Friday, June 10, 2011
[only time will tell]
This last week has been so full of stress. It feels good to just sit here and pour out my feelings into my blog.
After many sleepless nights and hours spent talking about it, Frank and I have decided that we will NOT be moving to Fort Worth in August. To be honest, I knew that there was no way that we could have successfully done so, but I love my husband and (naturally) I would follow him anywhere, even if it ended up not being the most successful or well thought out choice.
We figure that we can wait out the remainder of our lease and then reevaluate our situation in January. If we still want to move to Fort Worth, we will. The jobs will still be there. It's hard telling how much will change between now and then, and what our wants and needs will be 6 months from now. Only time will tell.
Even though we aren't moving, Frank will be going down to Fort Woth to get his Remote Engineer Certification. It should only be a week or two of training followed by a 4 hour "Cert Run" with one of the higher-ups. Obtaining this license will allow Frank to drive/operate trains by Remote Control. It's kind of a big deal. Unfortunately, Oklahoma does not have RCO oopportunities because they dont have the equipment to run RCO. Fort Worth, on the other hand, has plenty of RCO jobs available. Another thing for us to consider in January.
I have noticed that Frank tends to get restless after a few months of being in one place, regardless of our situation. It seems he is always looking for something bigger and better than what he has (in every aspect of his life.) It's amazing that he expects more of himself and always strives to be more successful, but it's exhausting all the same. I wish he could let himself relax and enjoy life for a change, instead of constantly worrying about what he doesn't have, what he is missing, or what needs improvement.
On another note, I am still working on my diet, but I have decided that the "Six Week Body Makeover" just isn't for me. I actually used an online tool called "My Fitness Pal" and typed in EXACTLY what I was eating over a span of 3 days, and it turns out that my caloric intake was only *roughly* 700 calories a day. No wonder I was constantly starving!!
Also, when you only eat 700 calories and then spend an hour on the treadmill, your body goes into starvation mode and stores fat. *shaking my head!* Its confusing for me because Frank has had such success on the "Six Week Body Makeover" plan. I guess everyone is different.
I have gained some valuable insight in regards to what I choose to eat. When you start to read labels and pay attention to the amount of sodium in things and the amount of carbohydrates, etc... you develop an entirely new outlook regarding food. My relationship to food is much different than it was. I am very aware of what I eat and what I use when cooking. I am also aware of how much better I feel when I eat fresh and avoid high fat/salty foods.
When it comes to dieting and exercise, I have heard so many conflicting opinions and suggestions in regards to what works when it comes to losing weight. I am overwhelmed and feeling a little bit lost. I have an appointment with a Physician on the 13th. He is going to perform a body fat analysis and check my thyroid and make sure there is nothing MEDICALLY keeping me from losing weight. I am also hoping that he will be able to shed some light on the correct way to go about losing as much weight as I need to lose.
Like I said in a previous blog, I have given thought to having Gastric Bypass surgery. I have actually called my insurance provider and spoken with them about the benefits available under our current plan, and since my BMI is over 40, after going through the motions and meeting with the right specialists and whatnot, the insurance would cover 100% of the procedure (other than copays.)
The option of GBS is always in the back of my mind. I would prefer to lose the weight with diet and exercise, but I can only devote myself whole-heartedly to a program for so long without seeing any results. Again, only time will tell.
After many sleepless nights and hours spent talking about it, Frank and I have decided that we will NOT be moving to Fort Worth in August. To be honest, I knew that there was no way that we could have successfully done so, but I love my husband and (naturally) I would follow him anywhere, even if it ended up not being the most successful or well thought out choice.
We figure that we can wait out the remainder of our lease and then reevaluate our situation in January. If we still want to move to Fort Worth, we will. The jobs will still be there. It's hard telling how much will change between now and then, and what our wants and needs will be 6 months from now. Only time will tell.
Even though we aren't moving, Frank will be going down to Fort Woth to get his Remote Engineer Certification. It should only be a week or two of training followed by a 4 hour "Cert Run" with one of the higher-ups. Obtaining this license will allow Frank to drive/operate trains by Remote Control. It's kind of a big deal. Unfortunately, Oklahoma does not have RCO oopportunities because they dont have the equipment to run RCO. Fort Worth, on the other hand, has plenty of RCO jobs available. Another thing for us to consider in January.
I have noticed that Frank tends to get restless after a few months of being in one place, regardless of our situation. It seems he is always looking for something bigger and better than what he has (in every aspect of his life.) It's amazing that he expects more of himself and always strives to be more successful, but it's exhausting all the same. I wish he could let himself relax and enjoy life for a change, instead of constantly worrying about what he doesn't have, what he is missing, or what needs improvement.
On another note, I am still working on my diet, but I have decided that the "Six Week Body Makeover" just isn't for me. I actually used an online tool called "My Fitness Pal" and typed in EXACTLY what I was eating over a span of 3 days, and it turns out that my caloric intake was only *roughly* 700 calories a day. No wonder I was constantly starving!!
Also, when you only eat 700 calories and then spend an hour on the treadmill, your body goes into starvation mode and stores fat. *shaking my head!* Its confusing for me because Frank has had such success on the "Six Week Body Makeover" plan. I guess everyone is different.
I have gained some valuable insight in regards to what I choose to eat. When you start to read labels and pay attention to the amount of sodium in things and the amount of carbohydrates, etc... you develop an entirely new outlook regarding food. My relationship to food is much different than it was. I am very aware of what I eat and what I use when cooking. I am also aware of how much better I feel when I eat fresh and avoid high fat/salty foods.
When it comes to dieting and exercise, I have heard so many conflicting opinions and suggestions in regards to what works when it comes to losing weight. I am overwhelmed and feeling a little bit lost. I have an appointment with a Physician on the 13th. He is going to perform a body fat analysis and check my thyroid and make sure there is nothing MEDICALLY keeping me from losing weight. I am also hoping that he will be able to shed some light on the correct way to go about losing as much weight as I need to lose.
Like I said in a previous blog, I have given thought to having Gastric Bypass surgery. I have actually called my insurance provider and spoken with them about the benefits available under our current plan, and since my BMI is over 40, after going through the motions and meeting with the right specialists and whatnot, the insurance would cover 100% of the procedure (other than copays.)
The option of GBS is always in the back of my mind. I would prefer to lose the weight with diet and exercise, but I can only devote myself whole-heartedly to a program for so long without seeing any results. Again, only time will tell.
Friday, June 3, 2011
[struggling]
I am struggling with my diet today. *Grumble*
I wrote a blog entry last night about my diet.... and after having a restless night of tossing and turning and worrying about anything and everything, I am struggling today to stay optimitistc and to stay motivated.
For five days I have eaten exactly what I am supposed to eat at the exact times i am supposed to eat... and I have spent all of the time on the treadmill that I promised myself I would. I woke up to weigh myself, only to be dissapointed AGAIN at what the scale said. I have not lost ONE pound in 5 days of vigorous dieting and exercise. *sigh*
I did, however, put on a pair of capri's that I purchased in Derby 10 days ago and they fit slightly more loosely than they did 10 days ago. I guess that is a good indicator that I have maybe lost some mass. I need to buy a sewing tape measure so I can log my measurements and keep track of them as well.
The point of putting myself through all of this is to be come more healthy (of course) and to LOSE WEIGHT. I am carrying around WAY too much weight and I am ready for it to be gone!! I know that losing over 100lbs is a HUGE venture and I anticipate that if I stay on track it will take well over a year to accomplish, but I also thought that I'd maybe lose 1 or 2 lbs the first week. -grumble again-
I have an appointment with a Physician on the 13th. He is going to check my thyroid and I am going to undergo a phyiscal to make sure that everything else is in propper working order. I am also going to speak with him about diet and exercise and see if he has any insight as to what might work best for me at this point in my life.
I have had several friends that have had gastric bypass surgery over the years. Many have been successful, yet a few have not been as successful. I'd be lying if I said that having gastric bypass surgery hasn't crossed my mind. I am fearful of undergoing an elective surgery, however, and I know how difficult the recovery for a surgery like that is. GBS is something I am contemplating, however, if months and months of diet and excersie do not do the trick for me.
I am tired of lacking the energy and stamina to keep up with my kids. I am tired of my knees and feet hurting when I walk at the grocery store. I am tired of looking in the mirror and being disgusted with what I see. I have gained well over 65 lbs since Frank and I got married... and he has lost around 80lbs. I feel we are at two very different places in our lives and I want to develop the same lifestyle and make the same healthy choices that Frank has made.
Any way, I feel better having taken the time to write this. It has given me that extra little bit of motivation to keep going and to keep working at it. Nothing worth having comes easy :) Just gotta put one foot in front of the other (literally) and stay positive.
I wrote a blog entry last night about my diet.... and after having a restless night of tossing and turning and worrying about anything and everything, I am struggling today to stay optimitistc and to stay motivated.
For five days I have eaten exactly what I am supposed to eat at the exact times i am supposed to eat... and I have spent all of the time on the treadmill that I promised myself I would. I woke up to weigh myself, only to be dissapointed AGAIN at what the scale said. I have not lost ONE pound in 5 days of vigorous dieting and exercise. *sigh*
I did, however, put on a pair of capri's that I purchased in Derby 10 days ago and they fit slightly more loosely than they did 10 days ago. I guess that is a good indicator that I have maybe lost some mass. I need to buy a sewing tape measure so I can log my measurements and keep track of them as well.
The point of putting myself through all of this is to be come more healthy (of course) and to LOSE WEIGHT. I am carrying around WAY too much weight and I am ready for it to be gone!! I know that losing over 100lbs is a HUGE venture and I anticipate that if I stay on track it will take well over a year to accomplish, but I also thought that I'd maybe lose 1 or 2 lbs the first week. -grumble again-
I have an appointment with a Physician on the 13th. He is going to check my thyroid and I am going to undergo a phyiscal to make sure that everything else is in propper working order. I am also going to speak with him about diet and exercise and see if he has any insight as to what might work best for me at this point in my life.
I have had several friends that have had gastric bypass surgery over the years. Many have been successful, yet a few have not been as successful. I'd be lying if I said that having gastric bypass surgery hasn't crossed my mind. I am fearful of undergoing an elective surgery, however, and I know how difficult the recovery for a surgery like that is. GBS is something I am contemplating, however, if months and months of diet and excersie do not do the trick for me.
I am tired of lacking the energy and stamina to keep up with my kids. I am tired of my knees and feet hurting when I walk at the grocery store. I am tired of looking in the mirror and being disgusted with what I see. I have gained well over 65 lbs since Frank and I got married... and he has lost around 80lbs. I feel we are at two very different places in our lives and I want to develop the same lifestyle and make the same healthy choices that Frank has made.
Any way, I feel better having taken the time to write this. It has given me that extra little bit of motivation to keep going and to keep working at it. Nothing worth having comes easy :) Just gotta put one foot in front of the other (literally) and stay positive.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
[my diet.]
I am on a diet.... and I figured Id share :)
(This diet is called "Six Week Body Makeover... and the program cost me roughly $200.00 to buy.)
Due to my particular body type (which is "Endomorph" and was determined by me filling out a questionnaire) I have a specific diet program to follow in regards to extreme fat burning.
I eat 5 (or 6) meals every day... usually 2.5/3 hours apart.
Proteins I can eat: Chicken Breast, Turkey Breast, Lean Ground Turkey, Delicate Fish (Haddock, Flounder, and Cod), Fish Steak (Tuna, Mahi Mahi, and Shark), and Egg Whites. Carbs I can eat: Rice, Potato, Yam, Oatmeal, Barley, and Millet. Fruits I can eat: Strawberry, Blueberry, Blackberry, Grapefruit, and Pineapple. I can eat any veggie (except for Squash, because it's also a carb.) Lettuce, Sprouts, Cucumber, and Mushrooms are FREE veggies. I can east as much as I want at any time I want :)
I do not use any oil, fat, sugar, or salt in my cooking. I splurge and use Wishbone Salad Spritzers to dress salad every now and then, but only 10 sprays (= 10 calories.) I use only Mrs. Dash Salt-Free seasoning to season food. I also use several different vinegars to add a bit of flavor to fish or to greens.
I make fresh Pico to top fish, potatoes, and salads. I also make turkey chili (no beans) and tomato sauce using canned no-salt diced tomato.
I blend up cucumber, dill, mustard seed, and a splash of rice vinegar to make a dressing for fish and salad. I also have several other oil and salt free marinades I have learned how to make for chicken and fish.
Breakfast:
2 oz. protein
1/2 cup carb
(Rapid Results: 2 oz. turkey breast and 1/2 grapefruit.)
Mid Morning Snack:
2 oz. protein
1/2 cup fruit
(Rapid Results: 3 oz. tuna steak and 1 cup greens.)
Lunch:
2 oz protein
1/2 cup carb
1 cup veggie
(Rapid Results: 2 oz. fish, 1/2 cup yam, 1 cup greens.)
Mid Afternoon Snack:
2 oz. protein
1/2 cup fruit
(Rapid Results: 3 oz. tuna and 1 cup greens.)
Dinner:
2 oz. protein
1/2 cup carb
1 cup veggie
(Rapid Results: 3 oz. fish and 1 cup veggie.)
PM snack: (optional)
2 oz. protein
1/2 cup fruit
(Rapid Results: 2 oz. chicken breast and 1 cup greens.)
I also spend an hour on the treadmill every day... staying in my target heart rate zone (which is 126 - 128 bpm.) This zone is ideal for burning fat.
I started this diet on Sunday the 29th. My goal is to lose roughly 3 or 4 lbs every week. If I lose more, that's GREAT :) I am having a slow start unfortunately. In the last 5 days I have not lost any weight, which is unfortunate. I am sure, however, that maybe I am losing inches or toning up some muscle i havent used in a while. I keep telling myself that even though I dont SEE the results, they are there all the same.
I am excited and ready to take on this weight loss adventure. I am hoping that by my 10 year class reunion in September I look (and feel) a bit better than I do now. *Fingers Crossed!*
(This diet is called "Six Week Body Makeover... and the program cost me roughly $200.00 to buy.)
Due to my particular body type (which is "Endomorph" and was determined by me filling out a questionnaire) I have a specific diet program to follow in regards to extreme fat burning.
I eat 5 (or 6) meals every day... usually 2.5/3 hours apart.
Proteins I can eat: Chicken Breast, Turkey Breast, Lean Ground Turkey, Delicate Fish (Haddock, Flounder, and Cod), Fish Steak (Tuna, Mahi Mahi, and Shark), and Egg Whites. Carbs I can eat: Rice, Potato, Yam, Oatmeal, Barley, and Millet. Fruits I can eat: Strawberry, Blueberry, Blackberry, Grapefruit, and Pineapple. I can eat any veggie (except for Squash, because it's also a carb.) Lettuce, Sprouts, Cucumber, and Mushrooms are FREE veggies. I can east as much as I want at any time I want :)
I do not use any oil, fat, sugar, or salt in my cooking. I splurge and use Wishbone Salad Spritzers to dress salad every now and then, but only 10 sprays (= 10 calories.) I use only Mrs. Dash Salt-Free seasoning to season food. I also use several different vinegars to add a bit of flavor to fish or to greens.
I make fresh Pico to top fish, potatoes, and salads. I also make turkey chili (no beans) and tomato sauce using canned no-salt diced tomato.
I blend up cucumber, dill, mustard seed, and a splash of rice vinegar to make a dressing for fish and salad. I also have several other oil and salt free marinades I have learned how to make for chicken and fish.
Breakfast:
2 oz. protein
1/2 cup carb
(Rapid Results: 2 oz. turkey breast and 1/2 grapefruit.)
Mid Morning Snack:
2 oz. protein
1/2 cup fruit
(Rapid Results: 3 oz. tuna steak and 1 cup greens.)
Lunch:
2 oz protein
1/2 cup carb
1 cup veggie
(Rapid Results: 2 oz. fish, 1/2 cup yam, 1 cup greens.)
Mid Afternoon Snack:
2 oz. protein
1/2 cup fruit
(Rapid Results: 3 oz. tuna and 1 cup greens.)
Dinner:
2 oz. protein
1/2 cup carb
1 cup veggie
(Rapid Results: 3 oz. fish and 1 cup veggie.)
PM snack: (optional)
2 oz. protein
1/2 cup fruit
(Rapid Results: 2 oz. chicken breast and 1 cup greens.)
I also spend an hour on the treadmill every day... staying in my target heart rate zone (which is 126 - 128 bpm.) This zone is ideal for burning fat.
I started this diet on Sunday the 29th. My goal is to lose roughly 3 or 4 lbs every week. If I lose more, that's GREAT :) I am having a slow start unfortunately. In the last 5 days I have not lost any weight, which is unfortunate. I am sure, however, that maybe I am losing inches or toning up some muscle i havent used in a while. I keep telling myself that even though I dont SEE the results, they are there all the same.
I am excited and ready to take on this weight loss adventure. I am hoping that by my 10 year class reunion in September I look (and feel) a bit better than I do now. *Fingers Crossed!*
[what to do.]
There is a new development in our little world... one that i am not quite ready to share with EVERYONE yet so it will go right here in my blog instead of all over Facebook.
Frank has the potential to land a spot as an Engineer in Training ("Fireman in Training" or "FIT") down in Longview, Texas. Longview is roughly 60 miles west of Shreveport, Louisiana.... up in the eastern corner of Texas.
As has become the standard this last year, we are yet again faced with a HUGE decision.
Naturally, both Frank and I agree that if we had nothing else to consider other than the opportunity itself, he should NOT pass this up. It's the golden ring. Being an Engineer is what every Railroader longs to be. The fact that he could become an Engineer during his first year with Union Pacific if HUGE. It also promises at least $15,000 more a year in pay and quite a bit of notoriety. (I have to mention that just because he finishes training as an Engineer, that does not ensure him an Engineering job... but it does give him a marketable skill and the potential to work as an Engineer. I will talk about that in a bit.)
Having said that, we have so many other things to consider, which makes this decision much more difficult to make. One thing we have learned during Franks employment with Union Pacific is that things can change in the blink of an eye. You can get bumped from one job to the next without warning, and right when you think that things make sense and that you have it figured out, the railroad will jerk the rug right out from under your feet.
The training itself takes roughly 6 months... and it starts on July 11th. If we choose to move the family down to Longview while Frank trains to be an Engineer, we have to consider there is a chance that once he is done training his sseniority as an Engineer in Longview might not be enough to ensure him an Engineering job out of Longview.
The railroad bases everything on Seniority. Franks Conductor seniority and Engineer seniority would be two separate things. Since Frank was hired on as a Conductor back in November of 2010, he has a bit of Seniority because other Conductors have been hired since then, and even out of his class he was the top of his class. If he is hired on as an Engineer on July 11th (which is when the training would start) he would have very little Engineer seniority.... and will have only accumulated a small bit by the time training is over and he needs to mark up on a job.
If he CANT hold an Engineering job out of Longview or Shreveport because he doesnt hold the Seniority needed, unfortunately there are no Conductor jobs that Frank could hold in either town as well. That means that Frank would have to work in Dallas/Fort Worth because that is where he has the best chance of holding a job because it is a bigger hub and most of the guys Frank holds Conductor Seniority over work there. He could bump one of them out and take their job. Keep in mind, Fort Worth is roughly 2 hours away from Longview.
We would be renting a house most likely, and usually they require a years lease. We get locked into a years lease, and there is a good chance that for 6 months Frank would be living and working seperate from us. I am not in love with that idea. I am also not in love with the idea of convincing myself that frank wont be able to hold an Engineering job out of Longview or Shreveport, thus convincing myself that he should pass on this AWESOME opportunity.
Both Longview and Shreveport (as of right now) have several Engineering positions available according to several folks Frank has spoken to. Could Frank hold one once he is done training? There is no way for us to know. He could hold one for a week or two and then someone with more Seniority than him could swoop in and bump him out of it! -shaking my head!-
My head is about to explode. He has to make a decision in the next 3 days as to whether or not he is going to bid and possibly snag this opportunity. It's a lot to figure out.
*SIGH*
The question is, do we risk it? I am leaning toward "GO BIG OR GO HOME!"
Frank has the potential to land a spot as an Engineer in Training ("Fireman in Training" or "FIT") down in Longview, Texas. Longview is roughly 60 miles west of Shreveport, Louisiana.... up in the eastern corner of Texas.
As has become the standard this last year, we are yet again faced with a HUGE decision.
Naturally, both Frank and I agree that if we had nothing else to consider other than the opportunity itself, he should NOT pass this up. It's the golden ring. Being an Engineer is what every Railroader longs to be. The fact that he could become an Engineer during his first year with Union Pacific if HUGE. It also promises at least $15,000 more a year in pay and quite a bit of notoriety. (I have to mention that just because he finishes training as an Engineer, that does not ensure him an Engineering job... but it does give him a marketable skill and the potential to work as an Engineer. I will talk about that in a bit.)
Having said that, we have so many other things to consider, which makes this decision much more difficult to make. One thing we have learned during Franks employment with Union Pacific is that things can change in the blink of an eye. You can get bumped from one job to the next without warning, and right when you think that things make sense and that you have it figured out, the railroad will jerk the rug right out from under your feet.
The training itself takes roughly 6 months... and it starts on July 11th. If we choose to move the family down to Longview while Frank trains to be an Engineer, we have to consider there is a chance that once he is done training his sseniority as an Engineer in Longview might not be enough to ensure him an Engineering job out of Longview.
The railroad bases everything on Seniority. Franks Conductor seniority and Engineer seniority would be two separate things. Since Frank was hired on as a Conductor back in November of 2010, he has a bit of Seniority because other Conductors have been hired since then, and even out of his class he was the top of his class. If he is hired on as an Engineer on July 11th (which is when the training would start) he would have very little Engineer seniority.... and will have only accumulated a small bit by the time training is over and he needs to mark up on a job.
If he CANT hold an Engineering job out of Longview or Shreveport because he doesnt hold the Seniority needed, unfortunately there are no Conductor jobs that Frank could hold in either town as well. That means that Frank would have to work in Dallas/Fort Worth because that is where he has the best chance of holding a job because it is a bigger hub and most of the guys Frank holds Conductor Seniority over work there. He could bump one of them out and take their job. Keep in mind, Fort Worth is roughly 2 hours away from Longview.
We would be renting a house most likely, and usually they require a years lease. We get locked into a years lease, and there is a good chance that for 6 months Frank would be living and working seperate from us. I am not in love with that idea. I am also not in love with the idea of convincing myself that frank wont be able to hold an Engineering job out of Longview or Shreveport, thus convincing myself that he should pass on this AWESOME opportunity.
Both Longview and Shreveport (as of right now) have several Engineering positions available according to several folks Frank has spoken to. Could Frank hold one once he is done training? There is no way for us to know. He could hold one for a week or two and then someone with more Seniority than him could swoop in and bump him out of it! -shaking my head!-
My head is about to explode. He has to make a decision in the next 3 days as to whether or not he is going to bid and possibly snag this opportunity. It's a lot to figure out.
*SIGH*
The question is, do we risk it? I am leaning toward "GO BIG OR GO HOME!"
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