Thursday, April 28, 2011
another rant from amy. ive been so stuck... like a clogged drain... for a week. there's too much going on inside of me. too many things coming to a head. fractured melodies. half finished sentences. sketches. hopes. wishes. heartaches. old silent movies from moments id forgotten. memories swimming back to me from a vodka haze. as my heart heals everything is coming up to the surface. everything i had to crush down quick when i was trying to make it through all the anger and hurt and betrayal. i just swallowed it as best i could and kept stepping one foot in front of the other foot. put a little super glue on my heart and kept running. i know that i will find what i am looking for and i will have the things i want. i know this. its not that… its these questions that occur inside regardless of the fact that i know im going to be fine. it doesnt make it any easier as all the smothered feelings fight their way up and out. im shadowboxing my emotional swings. i dont know whether im coming or going. im trying to catch the dialogue as it flies out. catch it between my teeth before i can capture it in some sort of loose sentence. i know im going to want to remember this moment. how it feels to really let something go. the violent process of healing. letting all the intensity ignite into one hot flame and mourning and recovering in the space after the drama when everything goes quiet and dark and all that's left is the smell of sulphur and the memory imprints of what was that now isn't.