Friday, June 10, 2011

[only time will tell]

This last week has been so full of stress. It feels good to just sit here and pour out my feelings into my blog.

After many sleepless nights and hours spent talking about it, Frank and I have decided that we will NOT be moving to Fort Worth in August. To be honest, I knew that there was no way that we could have successfully done so, but I love my husband and (naturally) I would follow him anywhere, even if it ended up not being the most successful or well thought out choice.

We figure that we can wait out the remainder of our lease and then reevaluate our situation in January. If we still want to move to Fort Worth, we will. The jobs will still be there. It's hard telling how much will change between now and then, and what our wants and needs will be 6 months from now. Only time will tell.

Even though we aren't moving, Frank will be going down to Fort Woth to get his Remote Engineer Certification. It should only be a week or two of training followed by a 4 hour "Cert Run" with one of the higher-ups. Obtaining this license will allow Frank to drive/operate trains by Remote Control. It's kind of a big deal. Unfortunately, Oklahoma does not have RCO oopportunities because they dont have the equipment to run RCO. Fort Worth, on the other hand, has plenty of RCO jobs available. Another thing for us to consider in January.

I have noticed that Frank tends to get restless after a few months of being in one place, regardless of our situation. It seems he is always looking for something bigger and better than what he has (in every aspect of his life.) It's amazing that he expects more of himself and always strives to be more successful, but it's exhausting all the same. I wish he could let himself relax and enjoy life for a change, instead of constantly worrying about what he doesn't have, what he is missing, or what needs improvement.

On another note, I am still working on my diet, but I have decided that the "Six Week Body Makeover" just isn't for me. I actually used an online tool called "My Fitness Pal" and typed in EXACTLY what I was eating over a span of 3 days, and it turns out that my caloric intake was only *roughly* 700 calories a day. No wonder I was constantly starving!!

Also, when you only eat 700 calories and then spend an hour on the treadmill, your body goes into starvation mode and stores fat. *shaking my head!* Its confusing for me because Frank has had such success on the "Six Week Body Makeover" plan. I guess everyone is different.

I have gained some valuable insight in regards to what I choose to eat. When you start to read labels and pay attention to the amount of sodium in things and the amount of carbohydrates, etc... you develop an entirely new outlook regarding food. My relationship to food is much different than it was. I am very aware of what I eat and what I use when cooking. I am also aware of how much better I feel when I eat fresh and avoid high fat/salty foods.

When it comes to dieting and exercise, I have heard so many conflicting opinions and suggestions in regards to what works when it comes to losing weight. I am overwhelmed and feeling a little bit lost. I have an appointment with a Physician on the 13th. He is going to perform a body fat analysis and check my thyroid and make sure there is nothing MEDICALLY keeping me from losing weight. I am also hoping that he will be able to shed some light on the correct way to go about losing as much weight as I need to lose.

Like I said in a previous blog, I have given thought to having Gastric Bypass surgery. I have actually called my insurance provider and spoken with them about the benefits available under our current plan, and since my BMI is over 40, after going through the motions and meeting with the right specialists and whatnot, the insurance would cover 100% of the procedure (other than copays.)

The option of GBS is always in the back of my mind. I would prefer to lose the weight with diet and exercise, but I can only devote myself whole-heartedly to a program for so long without seeing any results. Again, only time will tell.