Thursday, August 4, 2011

the stuff of dreams

these days my problems are marbles in my hand. that "bag full of god." i lay them on the wood floor in a line for the cat to chase. this really is the good stuff. the stuff of dreams. i just spoke to the man with the blinders on, and to think, i almost aligned my fate to his. the thought gives me chills. his horrible death in tiny little steps... only half alive and needing the small cuts to release the endorphines to smother the anguish of his bitter heart... i took a deep long breath and lay in the bath underneath water level. ears beneath. its there that god and the devil speak. and my giant rises up in front of my camera eye. a colossus. a love that terrifies. i kiss your face and fall into a crashing wave. rising up with sand in my teeth and salt in my eyes completely overtaken. this is the good stuff. the stuff of dreams. my mouth to your skin. a documentation. im breathing heat. im doused in sin. all of the contents of this whirlwind soul are enraptured by you. i offer up my darkest darks and my lightest lights... those other things that trouble my mind fall dead like autumn leaves crunching under our feet. ive chased you in dreams all of my life... to come to this. this shadowy, illusive, dark haired foreshadowing. you own me as ive always wanted to be owned. a pure passion. a white hot heat. a lifeline of illuminating light. this really is the good stuff. the stuff of dreams.  -Amy Rohr 2011.

[fragile day]

its a fragile day. my emotions are ping pong balls jumping all over the place effortlessly. im sitting here on the floor, thinking and trying to be productive. putting off the outward appearance of calm. i look tired. tired eyes. the weight of my world on the lids.
im alright. im just letting some new shit pass through the conduit.

i can recognize when the things that are stressing me are out of my control. my life is wonderful... it's just that this age of anxiety makes me second guess every little thing i do or feel. the so called 'self help industry' would have us quoting nonsense at each other and pretending we aren't feeling... that "everything is fine!" (cue smile with gritted teeth!) i don't subscribe.

i think passion is good. throw something, scream, yell, cry. be petulant. they are just as valid of emotions. tell people to get out of your space. don't call back. do what it is you are feeling. if its the truth then that's the best place to start from.
i am not suggesting that anyone should take their feelings out on other people carelessly... but if you bottle all that stuff up its going to give you cancer or an ulcer or you'll get so far out of touch with yourself that every day will be a monotonous walking death. it will slowly turn you into mount st helens - and you will one day explode - cut your hair - blow up your life and have to start from scratch.

people get so good at censoring themselves and not giving certain dirty or messy parts of themselves oxygen. one day they just freak out. its better just to lay it all out there.. life is messy sometimes. life is painful sometimes. we all feel anxiety and that things aren't right. we feel sometimes that we aren't good enough, that things would be different if (fill in the blank). that if we could go back and change (fill in the blank) it would be better. its not true. life is a mess. "what if" will only kill you.

not that anything in particular is making me need to write this, i know that now. i don't worry about it... its just a feeling. just the pain and pleasure of love and the pain of life becoming more acute.
i have an amazing husband and an amazing family. i try to focus on these things 'til i dig back out. i've just always had these blue moods. i go deep down into the abyss to purge it from me again. its always been this way. its just part of what i am. for a few days every once in a while my world goes a little dark... but it's then that my best ideas have been born, and it's then that i learn the most about myself and where to go from there :)


You can never win an argument. An argument happens when two people try to push their point of view onto the other. Since both are pushing, both are resisting the other’s opinion. What you resist persists, and each person’s point of view simply gets stronger and stronger. An argument implies two or more people talking with a win-lose mentality, where in order for you to win, you have to make the other person wrong. Since no one wants to be wrong, the situation at the end of the argument is usually much worse than at the beginning of the argument.

Every situation has multiple perspectives, and this is why two people experiencing the same situation will never report the exact same experience. Students of algebra can easily understand this. A linear equation has only one root (solution), whereas a quadratic equation has two roots, and a polynomial equation has multiple roots, equal to the highest powered variable in the equation. The real problem in an argument arises due to linear thinking - it is like trying to look for only one root in a quadratic algebraic equation, whereas the other person has come up with the other root, making both of you right. Thus, it is only in understanding the other’s perspective can we put an end to the argument and come to a mutual agreement. Shifting our thinking from win-lose (one solution/one perspective) to win-win (multiple solutions/multiple perspectives) thus greatly helps in resolving the issue.

In addition, arguments in romantic relationships are usually more delicate and complicated as compared to arguments in other situations. As the partners depend on each other for love, there is a higher chance of an argument psychologically wounding the other, which may take much time to heal. The core issue behind most arguments in romantic relationships is usually a perception, real or imagined, that one is not getting love from the other. On many occasions, couples forget the original reason for the argument, and instead start arguing about how they are arguing! This is because as couples argue, they feel the lack of love from each other, which is quite hurtful for both parties involved.

When the mind is turned negative, it will not listen to any reason, and thus it is best to address the mind by sending it love instead of trying to rationalize and win the argument. Even if you win with your logic, you are not a real winner unless you are able to address your partners feelings as well. Love is thus the only medicine that can put an end to the argument between couples, and depending on the situation, the love required to resolve the argument may need to take the form of respect, validation, reassurance, trust, approval, acceptance, appreciation, caring or understanding.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

[pleasing other people]

I read this today and it got me to thinking. Thought I would share....
"A young man and his old father were traveling to the nearby town with their donkey. On their way, they met some laborers who. One of the laborers remarked “What a fool these two are. In spite of having a donkey, they are both walking” Hearing them, the old man asked his son to ride on the donkey.

In another 10 minutes, they passed a tea shop. The owner of the shop blurted out “What an uncaring son ...
- making his father walk while he himself is comfortably sitting on the donkey. The son upon hearing this comment, got down from the donkey and asked his father to ride on it.

As they carried on their journey, they met a couple of men on the road. One of them remarked to the other “Look at the selfish old man riding on the donkey, while making the poor boy walk” The father became very uncomfortable with the comment, and asked his son to also sit on the donkey.

Further along, they met a group of women washing clothes. One of the women said “How cruel these men are. Look at the poor donkey bearing the weight of two men. It would be better if these two people carried the donkey for a change”

Eager to please, the men found a bamboo stick, tied the donkey’s legs on it and carried the donkey on their shoulders. As they passed over a bridge, they met a few children playing. Upon seeing the sight of the men carrying the donkey, the children bursted in laughter, and said “Haha - Look at these fools! Carrying the donkey on their shoulders” At this time the donkey got restless being carried upside down. The poor donkey jumped and fell down the bridge and died!

The moral of the story is that it other people will always have an opinion about what you should and not do. It is impossible to satisfy everyone. In trying to constantly yield to other people’s opinions, we give up our own best interests and become losers!"
Although the story may appear simplistic and we may laugh at the stupidity of the two men, we are ALL prone to the seeking of approval in subtle and not so subtle ways.
Dr. Wayne Dyer mentions in his book “Your erroneous zones” several ways we seek to please other people. (I am reading this book due to the suggestion of a friend on Facebook. It's a great read.)

• Changing a position, or altering what you believe because someone shows signs of disapproval.
• Sugar coating a statement to avoid the reaction of displeasure.
• Feeling depressed or anxious when someone disagrees with you.
• Feeling insulted or put-down when someone states a contrary sentiment to your own.
• Being excessively agreeable and head nodding, even when you don’t agree at all with what is being said.
• Performing chores for someone and feeling resentful about not being able to say no.
• Being intimated by a sharp salesperson and buying something you don’t want.
• Saying things you don’t mean just to avoid being disliked.
• Trying to impress others with your knowledge of something that you know nothing about by “faking it!”
• Begging for compliments by setting yourself up for approval, and then feeling bad when they don’t come.

Many wise men have spoken about this need in us to seek approval from others, in their own ways. For example:

“Self-actualized people are independent of the good opinion of others” -Abraham Maslow

“Do not be a football of other people’s opinions.” -Sri Sri Ravishankar

"I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody." -Bill Cosby

Each and every one of us enjoys appreciation, praise and approval. It is only natural. There is nothing wrong with that, and we do not have to give up feeling good when we are approved of. The problem starts to happen only when the having approval starts to become a need rather than a desire.
So many times our actions are defined by “what will they think of me?” This is simply our ego not letting us be genuine. When having approval from others becomes a need, we can no longer be comfortable with who we are. We can no longer think independently. We become slaves to other people’s opinions. We give up a part of ourselves in order to win the approval of others.

For any opinions that you hold on any subject, you will always find someone who holds the exact opposite opinion. It is impossible to please everyone, so you might as well stop trying. If you have a strong need for approval, then you stand to be easily manipulated by others, as you will go to great lengths in trying to please them. If you do it enough, you will begin to lose confidence in your own self, in your own thoughts.
When we seek approval from others, we are not confident of our own opinions, and rather rely on others to tell us what to do and how to think. According to law of attraction, this is situated in an energy of lack, and the more we seek approval, the less we get it. Conversely, the less we seek external approval, the more confident we are in our own independent thinking. The more confident we are, the more approval we actually tend to get. Seeking approval is like trying to run after your own shadow. If you stop running after it, it will automatically follow you.

It's also important to remember that the opinions that people have about you are simply their opinions. Whether it is good or bad, it has nothing to do with you. It is you who has to decide whether something to applicable to you or not. In case of disagreement, there is no need to argue or try to convince others of your stance. It is impossible that everyone will understand everything that you think/believe and do. You just need to become more self-reliant and trust your own judgments more.

The point here is to remain centered in your own self, even in the face of disapproval. Say it with me!: I am totally independent of the good or bad opinion of others. I am totally independent of the good or bad opinion of others. I am totally independent of the good or bad opinion of others I am totally independent of the good or bad opinion of other. I am totally independent of the good or bad opinion of others. I am totally independent of the good or bad opinion of others I am totally independent of the good or bad opinion of others …”

Monday, August 1, 2011

T o d a y

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

I am not a perfect person, and I dont waste time pretending to be.

I spend every single day striving to be the best I can be and working toward doing the best I can with what I've been given.

I face challenge and struggle head-on, and I make no excuses and I do not hide when I fall victim or lose to either!!!

I am human... and sometimes I make poor choices, but I don't let those poor choices define me. I refuse to let them weigh me down. I learn from them and I move on. I make too many mistakes to live with regret.

:) Today is a new day.

Keep on beginning and failing. Each time you fail, start all over again, and you will grow stronger until you have accomplished a purpose – not the one you began with perhaps, but one you’ll be glad to remember.
Anne Sullivan