[struggling]

I am struggling with my diet today. *Grumble*
I wrote a blog entry last night about my diet.... and after having a restless night of tossing and turning and worrying about anything and everything, I am struggling today to stay optimitistc and to stay motivated.

For five days I have eaten exactly what I am supposed to eat at the exact times i am supposed to eat... and I have spent all of the time on the treadmill that I promised myself I would. I woke up to weigh myself, only to be dissapointed AGAIN at what the scale said. I have not lost ONE pound in 5 days of vigorous dieting and exercise. *sigh*

I did, however, put on a pair of capri's that I purchased in Derby 10 days ago and they fit slightly more loosely than they did 10 days ago. I guess that is a good indicator that I have maybe lost some mass. I need to buy a sewing tape measure so I can log my measurements and keep track of them as well.

The point of putting myself through all of this is to be come more healthy (of course) and to LOSE WEIGHT. I am carrying around WAY too much weight and I am ready for it to be gone!! I know that losing over 100lbs is a HUGE venture and I anticipate that if I stay on track it will take well over a year to accomplish, but I also thought that I'd maybe lose 1 or 2 lbs the first week. -grumble again-

I have an appointment with a Physician on the 13th. He is going to check my thyroid and I am going to undergo a phyiscal to make sure that everything else is in propper working order. I am also going to speak with him about diet and exercise and see if he has any insight as to what might work best for me at this point in my life.

I have had several friends that have had gastric bypass surgery over the years. Many have been successful, yet a few have not been as successful. I'd be lying if I said that having gastric bypass surgery hasn't crossed my mind. I am fearful of undergoing an elective surgery, however, and I know how difficult the recovery for a surgery like that is. GBS is something I am contemplating, however, if months and months of diet and excersie do not do the trick for me.

I am tired of lacking the energy and stamina to keep up with my kids. I am tired of my knees and feet hurting when I walk at the grocery store. I am tired of looking in the mirror and being disgusted with what I see. I have gained well over 65 lbs since Frank and I got married... and he has lost around 80lbs. I feel we are at two very different places in our lives and I want to develop the same lifestyle and make the same healthy choices that Frank has made.

Any way, I feel better having taken the time to write this. It has given me that extra little bit of motivation to keep going and to keep working at it. Nothing worth having comes easy :) Just gotta put one foot in front of the other (literally) and stay positive.