Tuesday, April 19, 2011

[failing today]

I sometimes feel as though I am failing.

Failing as a wife.

Failing as a mother.

Failing as a daughter.

Failing as a friend.

Failing in general.

I become overwhelmed by the struggles I face... and I allow them to get the best of me every now and then. I am human. It happens.

Today, I feel as though I am failing as a mother.
I have three children.

My youngest daughter (Emery) is the sweetest little thing that ever walked the planet, but she has a wicked streak that comes out every now and then. If she doesn't get what she wants she has learned how to throw herself to the ground or go limp when you are trying to pick her up. More often then not, this results in bumps to the head. She is also CONSTANTLY being picked on by her big sister and has trouble walking/running *for reasons that are undetermined quite yet*, so she is always falling -or being pushed- down and hitting her head, splitting her lip, or scraping her knees. She has bumps and bruises everywhere, all of the time. Its a full time job just making sure she makes it through the day in one piece.

My middle child, Eisley, is a beautiful terror. Plain and simple. She has a heart of gold but an attitude that sends me to the moon and back. She refuses to listen and gets into EVERYTHING! She wont just sit and play with her toys or look at a book, she is in constant motion!! She also has a tendency to paint with her poop if given the opportunity... and she likes to throw her food the second I turn my back. (And not just on the floor, but at her sister, the walls, and even the ceiling on occasion.) Needless to say, she gives me a run for my money. It is "all go, no quit" from the time she wakes up in the morning until the time she goes to bed at night.

My oldest, Trey, is at an age where I am not sure WHAT to do with him. He is such a great kid, but he is definitely testing the waters when it comes to what he can and can't get away with around here. He has a very quick sense of humor (which he has learned from his dad), and sometimes that sense of humor can turn into backtalk if not kept in check... and if he gets away with it once, he runs with it! He is also at an age where we have assigned him chores and are teaching him the value of hard work and how to handle money. It doesn't sound like it would be stressful or lead to me wanting to pull my hair out, but it is and it does. He also has learned that if he asks me something when I am busy with the girls I will most likely ignore the question (which he takes as a "yes") or I will throw a "yes" in his direction just to get him off my back so I can go back to cleaning up poop. This has led to some disagreements.

I sometimes sit back and look at these little people that are in my charge, and I wonder "What in the HELL am I doing!!" More often than not I am just trying to make it through the day without flying off the handle or putting them in boxes and shipping them to Grandma and Grandpa.

So, I have made peace with the fact that I am usually at my wits end and barely scraping by with my sanity intact on a daily basis. I have made peace with not having all of the answers and not being happy and sparkly and perfect day in and day out! What I haven't made peace with, however, is seeing posts made by other mother's regarding how they have managed to bake 3 dozen cookies for the Easter party at church while teaching their two year old how to count to 30 in Spanish and spell every word through the letter C in the dictionary! Seriously?!? I know I should never compare myself to other people, but DAMN, if other moms can do it, why in the hell can't I?

*shaking my head*

I am sure I will have more to add to this rant later.


  1. You just need to stop it and count your blessings. You're lucky to have what you have and be where you are. Your life could have been so different. Never ever ever compare because that will lead you to only fail.

    Keep your head up!

  2. I am much better today. I was just stressed yesterday... and had 1,000 things I needed to get done that I didnt get done because of chasing after the kiddos. We all have those days :) *And I Just have to remember that those who appear to have it all together are most likely just as scattered as i am behind closed doors! There is no such thing as perfection!*