Wednesday, May 4, 2011


I am irritated with my husband, so I am going to blog about it. Lol. So much for this blog not being my own personal dumping grounds.

Any way, Frank was supposed to be off work last night at around 8:30pm. They called him in at 8:30am, and (legally) they can't work him more than 12 hours (but it has happened more than once.) Trey had his fieldtrip to the zoo today and needed a sack lunch, and of course, he reminds me at 7:00 in the evening. As per my luck, my pantry was lacking anything I could pack for a sack lunch *unless he wanted to take a package of outmeal and a potato.*

I figured since Frank would be home later in the evening I could put the kids to bed and swing on over to the store once he got home. Of course, 8:30pm comes and goes... 9:30pm comes and goes.... 10:30pm comes and goes.... and no phone call and no Frank. Finally a little after 10:30pm he calls to let me know he was stuck on a train in Enid and would be a while longer, but would swing by and pick up what Trey needs for his lunch on the way home. I shower and head towards bed. Naturally, since my girls are sick, both of them wake up at around 11:15 (before I actuallly made it to bed) and complained for around an hour. We have taken away Emery's bottle (which has had nothing but water in it the last few months but seems to be of high importance regardless) and that has been an adventure in itself. Add sickness to the mix and it reaches a WHOLE new level of insanity.

By the time I finally get laid down and comfortable, Frank is home, and we catch up with one another. Of course he is cranky, having had worked a long day and having had to stop and get Trey stuff for his lunch... and I am cranky, having also had worked a long day and having had to handle TWO sick puddins while sick myself. When we are done complaining at one another, we get to bed at the exact same time -I might also mention that the night before, while I was up struggling with cranky kids and sickness, Frank was at a hotel in Wichita by himself. Having gotten to go to bed at whatever time he chose, sleep in a quiet hotel room in a plush king-sized bed, I am guessing it must have been nice!-

Moving on, lucky for ME, last night I was up with the girls again at 2:00am, 4:00am, and 6:00am. So, all in all, I got maybe 3 - 4 hours of sleep *and mind you, it was not RESTFUL sleep!* Did I mention that I am sick as well? Have been for DAYS. Congestion, sore throat, headache, low-grade fever, the works.

So, this morning when the kids are ready to start the day and I figure out that instead of going to preschool like the schedule called for they would be staying home (which means no nap for mommy)... Frank, of course, lets me know that he will be staying in bed until he feels like getting up because he is tired, to which I reply "Yeah, I know all about being tired! I was up just as late as you." Its the same response from him every time. "Well, I have a job." Now, the tone of this retort isn't snide or snappy, he just says it as though he is stating a fact. As if I don't realize that he has a job outside of the home and I do not.

So, I think the important thing about the sentence "as if i don't realize he has a job outside of the home and I do not" is the part in it where I say "job outside of the home." I have a job! I have the hardest damn job on the planet! I am raising children -and a husband- and running a house!! I am taking care of the wants and needs of 3 tiny humans who run 90 miles per minute from the time they wake up until the time they go to sleep... and the wants and needs of one BIG human who (in all honesty) can be somewhat OCD and slightly demanding as per his nature! I clean up poop, vomit, urine, snot, food, and substances I can't even determine the origin of at times. I cook food, wash clothes, sweep and scrub floors, give baths, mend wounds, help with homework. Yeah. It's a job. It might not be running trains or whatnot, but it's a job all the same.

I can't even REMEMBER the last time I got to sleep in or get the rest I need to function. I have to trudge through EVERY DAY on whatever sleep I managed to get the night before, and if I was to even SUGGEST that someone else take over and let me head to bed I would never hear the end of it. So I am up every day when the kids get up and I usually go to bed around between 10:30pm - 11:30pm every night (waking up at least two times during the night with the girls to check diapers/panties and the like.)

I work through sickness, through pain, through depression -when it comes on every now and then-, and for some reason I always feel as though MY JOB doesn't measure up to Frank's.. yet being a mother and a wife is the hardest job in the world. I don't get BREAKS or WEEKENDS OFF or SICK DAYS... and when Frank DOES, I usually spend those days running around like a chicken with my head cut off more-so than we he isn't home! I dont get to say "hey babe, I worked a long day today/yesterday, so I am going back to bed. Have fun handling all of the things I was going to help you with today!"

Also, on a completely unrelated (but worthwhile) note, I don't show up at the Yard and tell Frank how to do HIS job, and I wouldn't even THINK of it, and yet, I am always being told what I should be doing, what I should be doing differently, what I shouldn't be doing, what I could be doing better, etc. Give me a damn break!!! I wouldn't imagine that I would know how to better do the job of Conductor... nor should a Conductor presume to how to do a better job of being ME!!!

Yes, my toddlers can't count to 30 in Spanish or quote Hemingway (and I have my own issues in that regard that I struggle with every day, so I don't need to catch flack from my husband on top of it all.) Yes, my son sometimes gets the best of me and gets away with things he shouldn't get away with because I have my hands full with the girls. Yes, the dishes sometimes sit in the sink a little too long because I had 3 poop messes to clean up that day. Yes, I sometimes put the girls in their bedroom and shut the door and turn on the monitor... because if I didn't, my head would freaking explode! Yes, I get behind on the laundry because the only time I can focus on it is when the girls are napping and sometimes I like to sit on the couch and do NOTHING and enjoy the QUIET for a minute and that's the only time I have the opportunity.

I promise you that if MOST men/fathers who work outside of the home traded places with their wives or those that take care of their kids/house, they wouldn't make it through HALF of the day... and they sure wouldn't want someone coming home and pointing out all of the areas that could use a little improvement.

I know Frank doesn't do it to be vindictive or hurtful. I know that he has absolutely NO idea what it's like to be a woman, mother, and wife. I know that he works VERY hard to support this family and spends countless hours away from us, which breaks his heart. I know that he comes home exhausted and sore from both the physical and emotional pressure of his position. I know all of these things, but my feelings are still valid and I have every right to feel them.

So that is my rant. I am going to continue sitting here on the couch with my laptop watching the girls destroy the house I spent hours cleaning last night so it would look nice when Frank got home, and then here in a bit I am going to clean it all up again. So the cycle continues.


  1. I wish I could tell you it gets better sooner than later, but later is probably the answer. You will be tired for a few more years. People at work used to ask me what I needed more of. The answer was always sleep.
    You chose an honorable path of being a stay at home mom. The working moms get the same flack from their husbands. I think it is part of the husban/wife dynamic. For me, we finally reached understandings about time intensive child rearing and house work but it took a while. Hang in there.

  2. Tyson and I had a similar thing happen today and I'm still bitter over it. It all stemmed from the fact that a headlight in my car needed to be replaced and he didn't tell me until 4 pm, when I have to leave at 6:15 to go to class, hadn't had a shower, needed to cook dinner, and he refused to take the car to get it done (I usually do it, but can't figure it out on this car)because he wanted to - and I quote - "Sit on the couch and relax for a while because I've been working all day." Well WTH have I been doing? Sleeping? Honey, I haven't slept since June! Ugh. Men.