Tuesday, April 12, 2011
warning: i don't pay much attention to punctuation these days. i just don't care. i write with the same pauses as in my speech. everything i write is exactly where my head is at the moment i write it. it could change the next day. continually progressing to some unknown result...... some people say that i'm crazy to put so much of myself "out there" but my thoughts are completely useless to me just stagnating in my head. i could turn them over and over again with no challenge. i could set my own concrete opinions and never ask the same questions again... i could then argue these concrete opinions with everyone else that thought differently, thus creating an illusion of solidarity and identity. i believe it takes great strength of character to admit that you don't have the answers, and to be open to all things. i could be afraid of the unknown. i could stay in one place, with one routine, one way of being, one haircut, one set religion, one prescribed set of circumstances... but for me this would be death. some people applaud my way saying "good, do it while you are young." i think youth is a state of mind. i hope i am still awake and open when i am sixty. i don't believe that it is inappropriate to have a blue streak in your hair at age fifty if you want it. just because most people shut down doesn't mean you have to. if you are unhappy... change things. if you realize one day that your life has drifted into stasis.....wake up! all things are possible. if one day you realize that all your life you have been a bastard and uncaring towards people, its up to you to speak the first kind word. if you find yourself gravitating towards religion, listen to it. if you find that you want to up and move to france, go there.if you want to start painting but don't know if you are a "good artist" just go get the paints and create a new definition. listen to your inner intuition. don't just stay still... sleepwalking. go against the grain. create a stir. it doesn't matter if everyone around you completely disagrees... they aren't you. they don't have to walk around in your shoes. you are your own thoughts and actions. you have your own voice. don't be afraid of your parents, or friends, or anyone else for that matter. your opinion is just as important. you aren't them. you aren't always going to agree. don't be afraid of love. treat each new love like the first. don't shut down. love can be brutal. heartbreak is devastating, but its in that emotional distress that the most personal growth is possible. you learn your own depths. you feel how alive you really are.