[for a friend]

I was reading the blog of a friend of mine... and as I sat here in tears, torn apart by the beauty and desperation I took away from each sentence, I couldn't help but to search the deepest parts of my mind and heart for something (anything) I could offer up to her as advice and/or comfort.

I know from experience that it is a hard thing to do... to care about yourself. to love yourself enough to take care of yourself. to respect yourself. to stick up for yourself. to take chances for yourself. Its important to always remember that esteemable acts build self esteem, and being honest with yourself frees your mind. 

looking at every situation and seeing what you need to do for YOU is not wrong, it's survival. even if it means moving away, leaving bad situations, ending a relationship, facing the unknown, etc. it's always so much easier when you jump back on your own positive life path.

When it comes to relationships... don't let someone make you bend over backwards for them. if someone loves you, they wont ask you to, and they won't LET you. if someone is really interested they will make time for you. they will care about what's going on in your life and be an active participant. if you find yourself always doing things for someone and they do nothing for you in return, stop. reevaluate. If you feel you give more love than what you get, it's true, no matter WHAT the other person might say. Forgive me for being crass, but words mean SHIT. actions matter... words don't.

Also, your gut feeling is right. your built in radar won't let you down. that is why you have it. you can always feel it when something isn't right or when someone else is trying to move in on your territory. your gut feelings are never wrong... so listen to yourself and trust what you hear.

No matter how you might be made to feel for whatever reason, you don't have to take your clothes off, be super skinny, be crazy in the bedroom, *or do ANYTHING ELSE* to be sexy. You are beautifully sexy just as you are, just by being yourself. If someone can't see that, if someone looks past you to search for someone else, or makes you feel as though you need to do MORE to please them, then you shouldn't waste your beauty on them anyway. they are the ones searching for something they are lacking within themselves. Dont let their shortcomings manifest as negative energy for YOU.

Finally, love yourself above ALL. you are more important than any relationship. Yes, if you have kids sometimes you think that staying in a bad relationship is what is best for THEM, but you are doing them NO favors by living in misery. kids can sense when something isn't right, and it WILL effect them worse than anything that may come of you deciding to end it. 

If you aren't happy within your relationship and you have let your significant other KNOW this, and they have done nothing to help to fix the problem, you should always come first and the relationship should take a back burner. there is only so much you can do, and so much you should be willing to take. I believe that people should try to make things work, but working on a marriage/relationship is more than just saying "yeah, we will work on it." It takes dedication, time, effort, and commitment. If you are giving 100% in each of these areas and your partner is giving any less, it's time to cut your losses. do not convince yourself that the relationship is being "worked on" when it clearly isn't.

Remember (ESPECIALLY when it is hard) that you don't want to wake up 20 some years from now and realize you have wasted 20 years of your life just being polite... so say what you feel... say whatever it is you need to say... SCREAM IT FROM THE ROOFTOP. do whatever it is you need to do. make a change, hell, DEMAND a change... because you only get one life... and if you aren't going to fight to make sure it's a good one, no one else will.

ALR.

Here is some "verse" (lol) I wrote for my friend... take from it what you will.

i used to be your favorite drug... the buzz that made you forget.
these days ive got nothing more that i want you to take.
ive become royal blue with blue tears...
the phone call you make when you're in the shit. 

the trouble is im looking for something far greater than this...
and all this time while i was trying to love you, you were just getting numb...
so im acting out and im giving in and im throwing myself overboard

and im gonna swim 'til i get somewhere else.


ive got strong arms and legs that can handle these waves.

even though i can see the blackened silhouettes of the sharks
under the surface, waiting...
and i can feel the frantic fish around me, petrified and aimless...
in all this noise... its still better than hiding on your boat
pretending it will get me somewhere.

ALR